Those Darn Paparazzi!
by Harry's Girl 01031992
Summary: Sequel to HG01031992's Corpse Bride Parody. When the paparazzi get annoying, Victor, Victoria, Emily, Naussicaa of the Spirits, Random Little Writer, some other characters and I decide to go give them a taste of their own medicine! R&R, s'il vous plait!
1. Attacked While Drinking Coffee!

Disclaimer: I don't own Corpse Bride… nor do I own any other characters in this story!

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One winter's eve, Victor Van Dort, Victoria Everglot, Emily, Harry's Girl 01031992, Nausicaa of the Spirits, and Random Little Writer were sitting in a café sipping cappuccinos, teas, and hot chocolates. They were talking about the weather, politics, and the parody they recently finished. Out of nowhere, the paparazzi came and kicked down the door of the café, their camera lights were flashing and the paranoid café owner, who was afraid of being exposed for killing a sock puppet, was hiding behind the counter.

"Harry's Girl!" One of the paparazzos exclaimed. "What is your opinion on Google buying You-Tube?"

"Victor!" Another one cried. "Can we get a picture?" Victor shielded his face with a magazine, since he was camera shy.

"Nausicaa!" a paparazzo exclaimed. "I'm a representative for _Star Magazine. _Our readers want to know what you think of Britney and K-Fed's divorce."

"Random!" another one shouted. "What's your reaction to your Corpse Bride parody winning 5 Oscars?"

"Victoria!" one paparazzo cried. "How's your marital life with Victor?"

"GET OUT, YOU ANNOYING SLIME BALLS!" Emily screamed. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WE'RE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR BEVERAGES?! GET OUT BEFORE I SHOW YOU PICTURES OF MICHAEL JACKSON IN A BIKINI!"

The paparazzi were silent for a second; then they screamed and ran out of there like a stampede of banshees.

Emily sat down and sighed.

"These paparazzi people need to stop following us…" Victor said. "I'm getting really paranoid like the lady behind the counter. I really don't want to end up like her."

"Yeah," Harry's Girl said. "Just last night I was sitting in my room doing homework and some paparazzi climbed up to my window and started snapping pictures of me until I sprayed them with that sour candy spray."

"I'm gonna need some counseling after these paparazzi attacks." Nausicaa said.

Just then, Random thought of a brilliant beyond brilliant idea.

"I just thought of a brilliant beyond brilliant idea." Random exclaimed, clearly repeating the text before she spoke. "We should get rid of those paparazzi once and for all."

"I've tried everything." Nausicaa sighed. "I've tried burglar alarms, restraining orders, and even force fields… Nothing makes them go away!"

"Au contraire," Random replied. "My plan is fool proof… but we're going to need some extra help."

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_End of chapter... What'd you guys think of this first chapter? Review and Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cake, pomegranate juice, Mountain Dew, and portraits of Victor Van Dort will be sent out._


	2. Sock Monkeys and Maniacal Laughter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Corpse Bride… If I did, that would be a hardcore Tim Burton fan's dream come true!

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"My plan involves gathering some of the wedding crashers, sock monkeys filled with stink bombs, and gathering some other people that might be of use to us." Random said of her plan.

"Okay," Nausicaa said. "I think we should get Jack Sparrow, Wallace, Lady Tottington, Gromit, and…" She shuddered. "…That insensitive rabbit killer Victor Quartermaine to help us."

"I think we should also get Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger to help us as well because their spells might come in handy." Harry's Girl added.

"Sounds great!" Random said. "What do you guys think?" she asked Victor, Victoria and Emily.

"I think it's a great idea." Victor replied.

"I think it sounds wonderful." Victoria added.

"This plan is crazy…" Emily said. Random put her head down and pouted. "…So crazy that it just might work." (Reference to Master of Disguise) She continued. Random perked up and smiled from ear to ear and that smile had an essence of extreme bliss that it was sort of creepy to look at.

"Now let's go to WalMart and buy some of those sock monkeys." Harry's Girl declared as she got up from her seat. "But it's going to be a long way there."

Everyone else got up and put their winter parkas on and walked out the door. The voyage to WalMart was long and treacherous… there was a huge wad of gum inconveniently placed on the sidewalk outside the café. Everybody's feet got stuck and it took them about two hours to get to the store which was about 5 steps away from the café. Two hours later, they finally got through the door and they tracked ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum through the store for other peoples' feet to get stuck in.

Anyway, they went to the sock monkey aisle and bought about ten thousand of them. They went to the check out and Emily saw something that caught her eye: a strapping young lad that looked like a combination of Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman. When Emily was asked what type of bag she would like, it sort of sounded something like this… "Plaspaperhollistercameramrs.thodee."

"Um…" the cashier said. "I take it you want paper." The group of friends got their bags and went on their way to their secret hide out in a vacant community center.

"I noticed that you were flirting with that cashier, Emily." Victoria said as she took some sock monkeys out of a bag.

"No I wasn't!" Emily denied as she giggled and blushed.

"Looks like we have a denier!" Harry's Girl said.

"You know you like him… you want to kiss him… you want to hug him… you want to love him… Na na na na na!" Victor said in a sing-song-y way like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. Emily smacked him in the back of the head.

"Stop quoting Miss Congeniality!" Nausicaa said. "We have to unpack all of these sock monkeys and round up all of these characters and we don't have time to waste!"

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" Random, Harry's Girl, Emily, Victor and Victoria exclaimed in a military fashion.

* * *

Meanwhile in a building that looked like the headquarters for the CIA, some paparazzi were marching in a straight line that looked almost like a stampede. They went into a huge room where a person had his back turned in one of those spinny chairs.

"Master," one of the paparazzi said in a monotone voice. "We have found the undead bride, the married couple, and the three fanfiction writers and we got photos of them."

"Excellent…" replied a cold voice. "Our plan is set into motion… it's only a matter of time 'til their downfall." The spinny chair spun around to reveal a dead looking Lord Barkis laughing maniacally for hours on end until he ran out of air, which is impossible when one is already dead.

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_End of chapitre deux! What did you guys think of it? Good? Bad? Ugly? Repulsive? Let me know in your reviews and I'll send out sock monkeys, Ben and Jerry's ice cream cake, Mountain Dew, and cappuccino! Happy reading!_

_Au revoir!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_

_(P.S. If you didn't know... I was speaking in French during this last part... I'm listening to Vanessa Paradis right now and it's gone to my head! Check her out on YouTube!)_


	3. Concussions and Fearful Wizards

Disclaimer: I don't own Corpse Bride… which totally sucks because I am a hardcore Tim Burton fan.

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Meanwhile at the vacant community center, Harry's Girl, Victor, Nausicaa, Victoria, Random, and Emily were unpacking the sock monkeys and it ended up that they were up to their necks in sock monkeys.

"This is going to be difficult…" Harry's Girl mumbled through the sock monkeys.

"I think we'll need to call in some reinforcements." Nausicaa replied. "You know what to do." She said to Random.

Random, being buried under a mountain of primates made from feet garments, raised her hand out from the pile and gave a thumbs up. It went back under and they all knew that Random was using a cell phone to call Jack Sparrow, Wallace, Gromit, Lady Tottington, Victor Quartermaine, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. Within thirty seconds, they randomly poofed out of nowhere.

"Um… why are we on a mountain of sock monkeys?" Harry asked.

"I don't know…" Ron replied. "I find it a bit odd that I was sitting on the couch with you guys and we randomly poofed here."

"Yeah," Hermione added. "I didn't even want to apparate here. I don't even know where 'here' is."

"Relax," said a rum soaked cockney accent. It was Jack Sparrow, climbing up the mountain of sock monkeys. "You're at an abandoned community center and we were called here to help some great people."

"Blimey!" Ron exclaimed. "It's a muggle pirate!"

"What did you call me?" Jack asked confusedly.

"A muggle…" Hermione said. "I'm a witch and my two friends are wizards."

Gromit climbed up from the edge of the hill with Wallace, Lady Tottington, and Victor Quartermaine in tow. Victor Quartermaine was all bruised up because evil mountain goats attacked him.

"Great!" Random said as everyone else climbed up from their primate-filled prison. "Everyone's here!"

"First things first," Harry said. "Who are you and where are we?"

"I'm Random Little Writer!" Random exclaimed.

"I'm Harry's Girl 01031992!" Harry's Girl said.

"I'm Nausicaa of the Spirits." Nausicaa said.

"I'm Victor Van Dort, and this is my wife, Victoria." Victor added as Victoria waved shyly.

"I'm Emily!" Emily exclaimed. "And that's Jack Sparrow, Wallace, Lady Tottington, Gromit, and Victor Quartermaine." They all waved.

"We called you here because we need your help getting rid of these sock monkeys so we can make stink bombs out of them in order to stop the paparazzi." Harry's Girl said.

A look of disturbance came upon Ron's face. "P-p-p-paparazzi?" he stuttered.

"What's wrong?" Lady Tottington asked.

"Ron's got an irrational fear of the paparazzi." Hermione explained. "Ever since they caught him singing with a dead fish, he's afraid they will expose him to the world."

"Ha ha ha ha!" Victor Q. randomly laughed. "I like pa-sketti!"

"So…" Emily said. "Do you think you can help us?"

"Yes, ma'am." Wallace said. "I made some limburger bombs on the way over here to put in the sock monkeys."

"Do you think you guys can make a levitating line of sock monkeys?" Harry's Girl inquired to Harry, Hermione, and a trembling Ron.

"That would be no problem!" Harry said.

"Can you stuff the sock monkeys, Mr. Insensitive Rabbit Killer?" Random said to Victor Q.

"I think armadillos are the bomb diggity!" Victor Q. said in a voice like it would come from a person with a concussion.

"I think we can take that as a yes." Victor V. said.

"What about us?" Emily asked referring to Victor V., Victoria, Lady Tottington, Gromit, Wallace, Harry's Girl, Random, and Nausicaa.

"Um… we can plan an ambush when the paparazzi come again." Harry's Girl replied.

"Are we going to be paid?" Ron asked.

"Yeah." Nausicaa said. "In Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cake."

"WHOO!" Everyone exclaimed happily. They then went on with their work.

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_Sorry if this chapter was so short... how did you guys like this one? Good? Bad? Ugly? Tell me in your reviews and ice cream cake, portraits of Ron, Harry, and Jack Sparrow, and some Mountain Dew will be sent out... Happy reviewing!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_

_"If I hadn't just been sitting in it, I'd say you lost your mind."_

_-The Maggot from Corpse Bride_


	4. Joe Le Taxi and Sock Monkey Allergies

Disclaimer: I don't own Corpse Bride… it totally sucks…

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Meanwhile at the scary headquarter place, Barkis was making a plan for the Anti-Paparazzi force. He was _still_ cackling evilly when one of his evil paparazzi came in.

"Master," the annoying photographer said. "I just found something out about the people who are against us."

"Shoot," Barkis said.

"Okay," the paparazzo replied. He took a dart gun and shot it into Barkis' foot.

"I didn't mean it that way!" Barkis said angrily, obviously not in pain. "What I meant to say is that you can tell me."

"Oh, anyway, the enemy is going to use sock monkeys against us."

"SOCK MONKEYS?!" Barkis shrieked. "I BET THEY KNOW THAT I'M ALLERGIC TO SOCK MONKEYS!"

"You're allergic to sock monkeys?" the photographer said, trying to stifle a laugh.

"You find my pain funny?" Barkis snapped.

"No, I just find it a bit ridiculous that one could be allergic to sock monkeys."

"Well you're fired!" Barkis barked as he pushed a button that made the floor open beneath the paparazzo's feet and he fell to his doom.

* * *

Back at the vacant community center, everyone was doing their business peacefully when out of nowhere, Hermione cried out, "I CAN'T DO THIS!"

"What's wrong, Hermione?" Lady Tottington asked.

"I'm under too much stress!" The teenage witch lamented. "I can't handle pressure!"

"Is their anything we can do to help?" Victoria asked.

"Well…" Hermione said. "There is one thing."

The next thing they knew, they were all sitting around in a circle singing while Victor was at the piano playing the sheet music to this song: Joe Le Taxi.

Everyone sang in perfect harmony:

_Joe le taxi_

_Y va pas partout_

_Y marche pas au soda_

_Son saxo jaune_

_Connait toutes les rues par coeur_

_Tous les p'tits bars_

_Tous les coins noirs_

_Et la Seine_

_Et ses ponts qui brillent_

_Dans sa caisse_

_La musique a Joe_

_C'est la rumba_

_Le vieux rock au mambo_

_Joe le taxi_

_C'est sa vie_

_Le rhum au mambo_

_Embouteillage_

_Il est comme ca_

_Rhum et mambo_

_Joe - Joe - Joe_

_Dans sa caisse_

_La musique a Joe resonne_

_C'est la rumba_

_Le vieux rock au mambo bidon_

_Vas-y Joe_

_Vas-y Joe_

_Vas-y fonce_

_Dans la nuit vers l'amazone_

_Joe le taxi_

_Et Xavier Cugat_

_Joe le taxi_

_Et Yma Sumac_

_Joe - Joe - Joe_

_Joe le taxi_

_C'est sa vie_

_Le rhum au mambo_

_Embouteillage_

_Joe le taxi_

_Et les Mariachis_

_Joe le taxi_

_Et le cha-cha-chi_

_Joe le taxi_

_Et le cha-cha-chi_

_Vas-y Joe_

_Vas-y fonce_

_Dans la nuit vers l'amazone_

"I feel much better!" Hermione exclaimed. "I think I can go back to work now."

"I never knew that Vanessa Paradis' music could calm you down." Jack said.

"Well, ever since I heard this song maybe three years ago while taking a huge test, it seems to have a calming quality to it." She replied.

"Let's get back to work, everybody," Harry's Girl replied.

"Yeah," Nausicaa added. "If we want to get done by Wednesday, we have to start working right now." Everyone went back to business.

* * *

At the scary headquarter place, one of Barkis' henchmen had made a vaccine for sock monkey allergies.

"Master," he said. "I have made the perfect formula to solve your sock monkey allergies."

"Excellent," Barkis hissed evilly. Then his phone rang when the henchman was about to explain the concoction even further.

"Ma," Barkis said into the phone. "I can't talk right now; one of my evil henchmen is trying to explain the properties of a vaccine for my sock monkey allergies." When he hung up, the henchman had left to go stuff his face with Ben and Jerry's Phish Food Ice Cream.

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_End of chapter four... How was this one? Good? OK? Horrible? Let me know in your reviews and Mountain Dew, B&J's Ice Cream Cake, Gourmet Chocolate Bars from Wisconsin, and sock monkeys shall be sent your way!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_

_P.S. If you want the translated lyrics for "Joe Le Taxi", go to: http://www.vanessaparadis.info/Mots/lyrics/ljoeletaxi.html and if you want the music video, go to: Have fun singing en Francais!_


	5. Angry Rabbit Killers and a surprise!

Disclaimer: My gosh! Do I _have_ to type these flippin' disclaimers? I'm serious! I find these unnecessary! Just to make y'all happy, I'll type one! I do not own Corpse Bride. No copyright or infringement intended.

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At the vacant community center, Emily, Victor, Victoria, Harry's Girl, Random, Nausicaa, Wallace, Gromit, Lady Tottington, and Jack were working on a plan to ambush Barkis and his army. 

"I think we should hide in the bushes and leave some bait out for some of his henchmen." Nausicaa said.

"Good idea, but what would the bait be?" Victor asked.

"How about rum?" Jack asked.

"You're just saying that because you like rum!" Harry's Girl replied.

"Guilty as charged, love." Jack replied.

"I happen to know for a fact that Butt-Face has a weakness for Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream." Emily declared. "When we first met, I saw that he was practically inhaling a bucket of the stuff."

"And that will help us, how?" Random asked.

"Well," Wallace said. "If one of his henchmen sees the bucket, he'll want to retrieve it back to him, and he'll end up falling into the trap."

"Then should we release our weapons?" Victoria asked.

"Yes," Lady Tottington said. "Give it all you got."

"We're done loading the weapons." Harry said. "It took us a while but we're done."

"Mr. Insensitive Rabbit Killer tried to eat one of the bombs but it ended up exploding in his face." Ron added, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Speaking of which," Hermione added. "He's coming out of his concussion right now."

"Oh, joy, oh, rapture." Nausicaa said sarcastically.

"Ow," Victor Q. said. "Why does it feel like I was run over by an eighteen wheeler truck?" Then he spotted one of the mountain goats that battered him up. "**YOU!**" he boomed as he pointed at the goat and took out his rifle. "**YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT, YOU ALPINE QUADRAPED!**" The goat bleated and ran off as Victor Q. chased after him.

"Run, Forrest, run!!!" (Reference to Forrest Gump) Harry's Girl cried after the goat. Everybody stared at her like a tree was growing out of her head. "What?" she asked. "It seemed like the appropriate moment…"

"We should prepare ourselves for battle." Harry said.

"Good idea," Emily said. "We should head to Wal-Mart to get some battle supplies."

They then walked to the center of commercialism and capitalism and bought some chain-mail, swords, armor, and maybe a mace or two. They went to the check out and there Emily spotted her love interest.

"Lemme guess," the cashier said. "Paper?"

"Yeah," Emily replied coolly. As she paid, she slipped the cashier her cell phone number. "Have a nice night."

They all walked back and put their equipment away until they were to use it.

"I saw that you were flirting with the cashier again," Harry's Girl said.

"I won't deny it this time," Emily said.

"You slipped him your cell phone number, this time, didn't you?" Hermione asked. Emily nodded.

Out of nowhere, there was a flash of blinding light, and the next second, Jack Skellington was standing there with a bewildered look on his face.

"Where am I?" He asked himself as he scratched his skull.

"**OH MY GOD!**" Harry's Girl, Random and Nausicaa exclaimed in unison. "**IT'S JACK SKELLINGTON!**" They ran up to him and hugged him.

"Uh… who are you?" Jack asked.

"I'm Harry's Girl!" Harry's Girl exclaimed.

"I'm Random!" Random said.

"I'm Nausicaa and those people are Jack Sparrow, Victor Van Dort, Wallace, Victoria Van Dort, Emily, Lady Tottington, Gromit, Hermione Granger, Victor Quartermaine, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter and you're in a vacant community center." Nausicaa added. "We're here because we're going to stop the evil Lord Barkis."

They then filled him in on the plan and he decided to join them on their quest to stop the evil butt-face.

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_End of chapter! Aren't y'all excited that Jack Skellington is in the story?! Read and review and I'll send B&J's ice cream cake, Mountain Dew, and pomegranate juice your way!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_


	6. Sour Llama Milk and Fictional Hemmeroids

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters... if I did, I'd be pretty darn rich. (ponders about it but keeps on typing the story)**

**

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**It was three days until the battle between the Anti-Paparazzi force and Barkis and his men. At the vacant community center, all heck was about to break loose:** EMILY, BEING THE SHAMELESS FLIRT SHE IS, WAS FLIRTING WITH JACK SKELLINGTON WHO WAS ALREADY SEEING SALLY!**

When it first happened, he didn't even notice that the dead bride was flirting with him, but as the days went on, Jack S. got even more freaked out when Emily's flirtatious ways got even lustier.

Sally heard about this when she was shopping in Halloweentown one day. She immediately went to the deserted community center via magical portal and confronted Emily right away.

"What the (bleep) are you doing, you dead broad?!" Sally hissed.

"Who are you and what's up with your limbs?" Emily hissed back.

"My name is Sally Finklestein and I'm an experiment of Doctor Finklestein. I heard that _you _were flirting with _my_ man!"

"_Your_ man?" Emily questioned. "I don't see 'Property of Sally' anywhere on him."

"Jack, bend over!" Sally commanded.

"Why?" questioned Jack Skellington.

"DO IT!!!!!" She shrieked. And so he did. On the seat of his pants, there was a stamp in big, bold letters that said "**PROPERTY OF SALLY FINKLESTEIN**".

"How 'bout we fight for him?" Emily proposed.

"Winner gets Jack; loser has to run around the city in a Barney suit screaming '**I HAVE HEMMEROIDS AND THEY BURN AND OOZE LIKE CRAZY!!!!**'" Sally replied.

"How should you guys fight for him?" Nausicaa asked.

"I got it!" Random exclaimed. "You'll both listen to Paris Hilton music for as long as you can stand it while drinking sour llama's milk."

"Okay… that was random." Harry's Girl said.

"Is that why they call you Random Little Writer?" Lady Tottington asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Random replied.

"**IT'S ON!**" Sally said. Victor V. then got a boom box out popped the CD from heck into the player thing-er while Jack Sparrow plugged his nose as he poured the expired llama milk into shot glasses. The competition then started. Gromit winced as Emily chugged down her milk like there was no tomorrow. Victoria gagged as Sally didn't seem fazed by the demonic music. This continued for five hours until both girls were on the floor nauseated and putting their hands to their ears to prevent themselves from going insane from the satanic songs.

"I forfeit!" Emily cried. "You two look good together and I already have a love interest!"

"You were a good sport, Em." Sally replied.

Everybody came from out of the bathrooms after a session of trying not to vomit.

"Is it over?" Victor Q. asked. "That was one of the most nauseating things I've ever seen."

"Oh, yeah! Like killing living animals is much less nauseating than that!" Victor V. said.

"I've always wondered what spoiled llama milk would taste like as a cheese…" Wallace pondered.

"I hope you guys don't get food poisoning from that spoiled llama milk." Hermione said.

"Yeah, I've heard that can be torture on your bowels." Ron added.

Sally then got up and kissed her bony boyfriend. Everybody went "Aawww!" like every clichéd romance movie.

"Now," Jack Sparrow said. "Let's focus on combat so we can be ready to take down that man with the face shaped like an a…"

"Yes, we get your point! There's no need for profanity, my darling." Harry's Girl interjected.

"So..." Random Little Writer said. "Are we gonna see you running around in a Barney suit screaming about your hemmeroids?"

The next thing Emily knew, she was running around in a purple dinosaur suit screaming about her fictional hemmeroids while everybody laughed hysterically.

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_End of chapter! How did you guys like this one? Review and I shall send B&J's ice cream cake, brownies, and the video of Emily running around in a Barney suit your way! Happy reviewing!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_


	7. Drunken Pirates and Escaping Horses!

**Disclaimer: I don't own… stop bugging me about it!**

* * *

It was the night of the battle with Barkis and everybody was having pre-battle jitters.

Victor V. was in the corner of the room in a fetal position, sucking his thumb, and rocking back and forth; Victoria was giggling nervously; Quartermaine, being a nervous farter, was farting up a storm; Jack Sparrow was guzzling down a bottle of rum; Lady Tottington was picking at her clothes; Wallace and Gromit were playing hamburger bun rugby to take their minds off of the jitters; Harry was singing "Die Another Day" by Madonna; Ron was bingeing on chocolate covered cherries; Hermione had a nervous habit of throwing veggie burgers at people so she was doing that; Harry's Girl was crying because she was so nervous; Nausicaa was randomly singing "Numa Numa"; Random was yelling at the wall for being lazy; Emily was holding on to a security blanket. Jack Skellington and Sally were the only ones who weren't scared.

"Come on, you guys!" Jack said, decked out in his armor. "The battle starts in fifteen minutes and you guys aren't pumped!"

"Shut up, you shkelleton!" Jack S. slurred drunkenly.

"What he means to say," Emily said. "Is that we're having pre-battle jitters."

"We need some motivation!" Hermione piped up.

"What more motivation do you need? Your motivation is that we're going to stop Butt-Face and his mindless henchmen!"

"Well… there is one thing…" Harry's Girl said.

"I can't believe I'm doing this…" Jack said.

_The sun'll come out_

_Tomorrow_

_Bet your bottom dollar that_

_Tomorrow_

_There'll be sun_

_Just thinkin' about tomorrow_

_Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow_

'_Til there's none_

_When I'm stuck with a day_

_That's grey_

_And lonely_

_I just stick up my chin_

_And grin_

_And say, oh…_

_The sun'll come out_

_Tomorrow_

_So ya gotta hang on 'til_

_Tomorrow,_

_Come what may…_

_Tomorrow! Tomorrow!_

_I love ya, Tomorrow!_

_You're only a day away!!!_

"I just love show tunes!" Lady Tottington exclaimed.

"Yeah," Victoria said. "They just tend to lift my spirits!"

"Same here!" Victor said.

"What was the point of that?" Quartermaine asked. "All that did was waste time!"

He was whacked upside the head by Jack Sparrow.

"I feel so much more motivated now!" Nausicaa said.

"Yeah," Ron replied. "Who knew that show tunes could be so motivating."

"Can we please go now?" Random asked. "I wanna get this over with!" Everyone got up, got the bait, bombs, and suited up in their armor.

Downtown, Barkis was waiting with his evil henchmen.

"I need that vaccine now!" Butt-Face barked at the henchman who concocted it.

"Mr. Barkis sir, there's something I need to tell you…" he said

"SHOOT ME UP, NOW!!!" Barkis snapped. The henchman did as he was told. Just then, Barkis spotted a bucket of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food Ice Cream.

"Oooh!" Barkis exclaimed. "There's some Ben and Jerry's Phish Food over yonder! Go get it for me!"

A henchman scurried over to the bucket and he was pulled into the bush that the bucket was near. All of a sudden, sock monkeys started flying and unleashing their noxious gas.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The paparazzi exclaimed. "The Anti-Christ is coming! Take cover!" And they did take cover. Barkis started swelling up like a water balloon.

"Why isn't the vaccine working?!" Barkis hissed through an enlarged tongue at the paparazzi who gave it to him.

"Funny you should mention that," the paparazzo said. "The vaccine is supposed to be given twenty four hours before contact with sock monkeys." That paparazzo was immediately crushed by a giant sock monkey. Barkis ran away screaming because his enemies were chasing him.

In one corner of the street, Jack Skellington had the paparazzi in a corner. He came up to them, grinned evilly, and rubbed his index finger down his middle finger and said "Spooky!" All of those paparazzi fainted from fright.

In another part of downtown, Jack Sparrow was chasing the paparazzi tipsily brandishing a sword. "I'm gonna get you, you shlime bagsh!" he slurred.

Victor, Victoria, and Emily were making threatening karate poses that made the paparazzi cry for their mommies.

Harry's Girl, Random, and Nausicaa were whacking some paparazzi on the heads with various wind instruments.

Lady Tottington, Wallace, and Gromit were throwing expired hard-boiled eggs at the evil photographers.

Hermione, Harry, and Ron were casting hexes, spells, and curses at the "annoying insects" like there was no tomorrow.

Sally was making her limbs beat the photographers on their heads.

Victor Quartermaine, being the dummy he is, was randomly run over by a Clydesdale horse that was randomly escaping from the glue factory.

About two hours later, the battle ceased and paparazzi waved their white flags in surrender.

"Three cheers for team-work!" Everybody cried. They gave one "huzzah", one "woot", and one "hurrah!" Just as they finished, Emily's cell-phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered. It was the cute cashier. "Hi! I was wondering when you might call." There was garbled speech on the other line. "Dinner? Tomorrow at 7? Sounds great! I'll see you then." She hung up. Victor found Barkis writhing on the ground in pain from allergies.

"Someone get this guy an Epi-Pen!" Victor exclaimed. He was tossed one by Harry's Girl, who kept an Epi-Pen in her purse even though she didn't have potentially deadly allergies. Victor injected the villain with the medicine and the swelling immediately went down.

"Call Scotland Yard," Wallace said. "They're gonna need to put this one in the criminally evil cell block." Victoria pulled out her phone and called the foreign police-force and they immediately rushed to the scene even though they live on a separate continent than the U.S. which is scientifically impossible and they put him in the cop-car.

"Come on, everybody!" Random said. "Let's go back to the community center and celebrate by drinking excessive amounts of Mountain Dew and get hyper!" And so they did… well that is… except for Victor Quartermaine because he was as flat as a pancake.

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_End of Chapter! This isn't my last chapter, but it's my second to last one... find out what it is when I update. Review and I shall give out Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cake, Hubba Bubba Max bubble gum, and pomegranate juice. Happy reviewing!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_


	8. Spin the Bottle and Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Corpse Bride…** NOW STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT AND LET ME GET ON WITH MY TYPING!!!**

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It was the night after the battle and the Anti-Paparazzi Force was having a post-battle party. There was Mountain Dew, root beer, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Cake, Sherbet Punch, veggie, meat and cheese trays galore! They played games, sang, laughed, and hyper off of Mountain Dew. Close to the end of the party, everyone decided to play Spin The Bottle.

Everybody sat in a circle, got an empty root-beer bottle and put it in the middle of the circle and started playing. Harry's Girl was the first one to spin and the bottle just so happened to land on Jack Sparrow.

"Hey Jack," she said flirtily. "The bottle landed on you so now I have to kiss you!" she giggled insanely. Jack grabbed her and leaned her back like in Gone With the Wind and kissed her.

Random was the next to spin and it landed on Harry. "Oh, Harry," Random giggled lustfully. "Pucker up!" They kissed each other and everybody went "Aawww!"

Nausicaa spun the bottle after Random and it landed on Victor V. "Oh, how convenient!" she exclaimed. "The bottle just happened to land on my animated crush… What are the odds?" Victoria looked at Nausicaa as if to say "You can kiss my husband, but don't get used to it, missy!" Nausicaa kissed Victor on the cheek and she blushed, realizing what she just did.

"And just for being so cool," Harry's Girl said. "Jack Skellington of Halloweentown, you get a triple sized kiss from me, Random, and Nausicaa." They kissed him and Sally was totally okay with it.

Playing this game went on until the party ended and Emily went on her date with the cute cashier whose name turned out to be Fiyero. (A/N: I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack right now, hence the name)

Just as everybody was about to leave, they all felt like they were forgetting something. That something just happened to be none other than… VICTOR QUARTERMAINE LYING FLAT AS A PANCAKE ON THE SIDEWALK.

People kept stopping to look at the "poor" rabbit killer, moaning and writhing in agony on the street and covered in hoof-prints. The average time looking at the insensitive rabbit killer was about two seconds, meaning that people looked at him for at least a second and went along, doing their business.

And if you were wondering about Butt-Face… Well…let's just say he escaped from a British Prison and he is now plotting another evil plan as we speak.

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**Whoo! It's done!**

**Nausicaa: We did it!**

**Random: This fic was sooo awesome... I'm going to miss it. (Starts to get teary, but contains herself)**

**Me: Don't worry... there'll be more to come! I promise!**

**Nausicaa: Yay!**

_All of you who reviewed and contributed deserve some Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream cake, Mountain Dew, gas station hot chocolate or cappuccino (your choice) and the video of the post-parody party! Happy reviewing!_

_-Harry's Girl 01031992_


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